


Connect

by rockholmes



Category: Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types
Genre: Multi, Nightmares, Trichotillomania, ot3 cuddling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-28
Updated: 2015-11-28
Packaged: 2018-05-03 20:01:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5304959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rockholmes/pseuds/rockholmes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The whole issue of "I might wake up from a horrible nightmare and tear out my fur until I bleed or otherwise become violent toward myself and/or anything in the same vicinity as me in a panicked and partly unconscious state" is only one reason among many for why Shadow doesn't want to share a tent with Sonic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Connect

**Author's Note:**

> yet another sonic fanfic because wow I can't deal with how few there are. in comparison to my other fandoms at least.
> 
> but yeah as someone who deals with this issue I can attest that pulling hard enough at hair breaks the skin pretty badly (and pretty messily too). and I wouldn't doubt that Shadow has this problem, or that he has nightmares. guy's gone through a lot. even for a fifty year old.
> 
> also this was originally just sonadow but I don't know what happened I just love these three so much.

Physical contact outside of fighting isn't really something Shadow is too familiar with.

It isn't that Shadow is completely lost on the importance of physical contact in relationships. He's not. It's just not quite natural to him.

He's at the point where he more or less understands that friends can touch other friends sometimes. It's gotten simultaneously easier and harder since he remembered Maria - easier because he gets it more now, harder because being close to others in the same way he was with her somehow makes him feel guilty, like he should be preserving a special level of friendship with her that he shouldn't have with anyone else.

They're all small things, the touches, probably nothing anyone else notices. He's extremely sensitive to all of them, though. Pats on the back, hands on his shoulders, soft elbow jabs to his side - he remembers it all.

Maria always loved to hug him and grab his arm and occasionally kiss him on the cheek, so he's of course used to it all, but only from her. It made sense back then - she was sick and he was her only real friend, as well as the only person she could ever actually touch. Of _course_ she would give as much physical affection as possible to him.

Shadow was naive in his relationship with Maria.

She was mortal - a sick one, at that. He's immortal. Even if she hadn't died so young, he still didn't take into account the fact that she'd pass eventually while he'd keep living. Now, though, the concept of outliving anyone he could ever love is all he thinks about.

It helped that she was so touchy. She'd gotten him used to physical affection.

Still, again, he'd only gotten completely used to physical affection from _her._

He can remember a while back when he had been working with Sonic and his friends that he had seen Amy hug the blue hedgehog. It came to Shadow as a bit of a surprise, even though it really shouldn't have, and he found himself staring a while longer than he had intended to. Amy noticed, apparently. She always was more perceptive than he'd ever given her credit for. Still, prior knowledge about her aside, he wasn't prepared for her making her way over to him and suddenly wrapping her arms around him, as well.

 _That_ definitely surprised him.

She had interpreted his gaze as one of jealousy, and even though it was wrong, he sort of...didn't mind. Shadow rarely finds safety in anything. However, hugs seem to make him feel extremely safe. It's one of the only times he's perfectly secure and content. That should probably alarm him, as a being created to be a weapon, as someone who's supposed to be cautious of his surroundings, but it doesn't.

Amy is indeed observant and caring. He finds it hard not to trust her. Her touches are gentle and thoughtful, even when she's excited. Her hands never clutch too hard, her arms never squeeze to tightly, and her playful punches don't even use a marginally important fraction of her true strength. She's calming to be around. How someone like her could be attracted to someone like Sonic, Shadow will never understand. Perhaps it's the whole "opposites attract" thing.

Unsurprisingly, Tails is similar. His touches are firm, but soft, and very rare. For a time, Hope had enlisted the help of the flying fox for help in building a plane. She'd have been able to do it herself, but there was a rather quickly approaching deadline. And because Shadow tended to be around Hope quite a bit, he ended up also being around Tails.

Tails is...distant.

That's not too shocking, really. He very clearly tries to be friendly to Shadow, but it's hard for him. Sonic is essentially his big brother. Even though Shadow is more or less fighting on the same side as them, Tails still has the protective stare of someone who's just heard their sibling threatened.

His pats on the back, hands on shoulders, and brief nudges reflect that. He's trying, at least, and Shadow silently appreciates it.

It's likely that of all of Sonic's friends, Knuckles is the one who's earned the majority of Shadow's respect.

Knuckles knows who he is and his purpose. He's determined not to stray from his path. That's certainly something to be admired. The way he touches is bold and strong, never holding anything back. Normally, he doesn't hug people, but when he does, it's a bear hug. And the way he is around Sonic especially is rather roughhousey. He's confident.

There's nothing he hides with his physical communication. It's refreshing to see someone so nonverbally honest.

If a living hell exists, Shadow imagines the feeling he'd get from it being fairly similar to the feeling he gets from touching Sonic.

It's not that it's bad - honestly, it's the opposite. He wouldn't admit it to anyone, but Shadow enjoys how close Sonic can get, when his hand lands on the black hedgehog's shoulder, when one leans over the other, when their arms brush each other, they're all...nice, to say the least, even if they are brief. Though he feels essentially the same way when others do the same.

For some reason, though, it feels different with Sonic. He figures it's because they're rivals, but being physically friendly with him sends a strange feeling through Shadow's stomach.

It's incriminating. Like he's embarrassed, or something.

There _is_ one person he's, more or less, perfect fine with in terms of physical contact.

Rouge.

* * *

"Shadow, Shadow, it's okay. You're _okay,_ " when he opens his eyes, it's not the pained face of a little girl staring back at him, but instead Rouge. She's holding his arms firmly yet gently, voice softer than he's ever heard it. Her eyes are focused, nonverbally repeating to him that this is all _real_ , that everything he'd just been forced to relive was a dream.

It helps. A little bit. It makes him slightly less disoriented, at least.

This isn't the first time it's happened,  not even close. And his nightmares aren't always about Maria.

Spending what he could describe as his "childhood" on the ARK was a mess of alternating heaven and hell. He'd only had one friend, one being who would actually treat him like a person instead of an object. The scientists, of course, only ever saw him as a test subject, a liability, a _thing_. Sometimes, he'd wake up and remember the cold, indifferent eyes of the monsters operating on him. How cruel that he'd be feared for being the Ultimate Lifeform, yet those who created him were treated as noble men of their fields.

He's heard Rouge complain about those exact things before, faintly, whenever she's trying to snap him out of his sleeping trance. She mutters things to herself, angry about all that led him to being like this, angry _for_ him. Never once does she blame him for the nightmares.

A couple of times, he's lashed out at her, and she's learned when to keep her distance. He never remembers doing it, only the resigned look of worry on her face as she holds whatever part he harms. Those times, he forgets his stoic charade and doesn't even try to compose himself, only tries to help her bandage up the wound he'd created.

She tends to sleep in the quarters just across from him, ignoring rules about gendered dormitories in the facility because no one would really argue with her about it. The reason is mostly for this exact situation.

When he'd woken up, he was repeating _Maria_ over and over again, but he's at least stopped doing that, so that's good. Shadow tries to collect himself as best he can. Rouge may be one of the only people he's comfortable with being vulnerable around, may be his best friend, may be the one he trusts the most, but there's still an inherent need to not show weakness around anyone. That includes her, most of the time.

Just then, her eyes turn downward and widen. "Hey, oh, come on," she grimaces and pulls her hand away. Blood covers her left palm, and just where she'd grabbed his right arm, there's a patch of uncovered skin.

Short, small tufts of hair are scattered about the bed.

He remembers every single time it happens. Even though his wounds heal quickly and his hair grows at an alarming rate, he can still feel where he's violently ripped out his own fur. Like invisible scars.

Her attention isn't on it long enough for him to really register what had happened. She looks behind him in surprise. The walls of the facility are made of some extremely strong metal, but evidently he'd hit them enough to leave two small dents.

Rouge lets out a little huff as the corner of her mouth turns upward, amusement mixing with her already apparent concern. "Jeeze. Alright, stay here, I'll get something we can use to clean this up."

He doesn't fight her on it, though he can't help but notice just how cold it suddenly becomes when she leaves the room.  
The wound on his arm is almost completely healed already. Perks of being the Ultimate Lifeform, he figures. But there's still blood drying on the surrounding fur and slowly dripping onto the sheets. The red is hard to see in the dark, blending in with his body. He'll have to change the sheets _again_ and probably get different blankets _again_.

It's times like these he wishes he could do something to stop the nightmares from happening. But he can't seem to think of how it could be fixed.

She doesn't ever mention them, and he's grateful for that. It's their secret, in a way.

He doesn't hear the creaking of the door or her footsteps, doesn't bring his head up until a warm, wet towel is pressed against his arm. "There's a lot of blood here, but the wound's not open anymore, so we shouldn't have to worry about bandaging it up," she pauses and looks at his face. "Hey. Do you want to talk about it?"

Shadow shakes his head and she nods in response. He usually doesn't, but she always asks. It sometimes helps, but most of the time, it just makes the dream all the more vivid.

Rouge gives a sly smile. "Do ya wanna stay up and go for a walk?"

That, he accepts.

* * *

It's always been Rouge.

She's not like a sister to him. She's not anything close to a mother. She's not really a lover. Somehow, though, she's family. Shadow has always considered her family. Well, alright, not _always,_ but it's been gradual enough that it feels like that's the case. They have a special type of friendship.

It's _somewhat_ romantic, he'll admit, but it's never quite hit the point of being completely so.

Somehow, she's always been the one able to snap him out of whatever trances he's put in, either by himself or by others. She knows him better than anyone else, not including Maria, and he actually feels like he can open up to her.

His nightmares have gotten much easier to handle since she's started to comfort him. She gives him quick hugs, only speaks when she thinks it's okay to do so, and sometimes...pets him. It's humiliating to think about, but she doesn't seem to mind, so he tries not to, either.

Her ability to make him feel comfortable with what he's normally not comfortable with is jarring. If they weren't on the same team, he'd be worried about how much he trusts her.

Her touches are something like a combination of Amy's and Knuckles'. Rough, but careful. Stern, but never too hard. It's a nice combination.

On the surface, she seems like someone who stabs others in the back at will. No one would imagine just how genuine she can be, or how intelligent and caring she truly is. It's likely a part of her act, the one she puts on to intimidate others and to put them off. It's not completely an act, sure, but it's like she's taken a part of her personality and exaggerated it greatly.

She definitely doesn't seem like the type who would carefully comfort someone after a horrible nightmare.

Yet, she is.

* * *

G.U.N. missions usually take a few hours at most for Team Dark. They take even less time when they're meant to enlist a particular blue hedgehog for help. Rarely are they required to actually wait for any reason, since they generally do jobs quickly.

But now, they need to wait.

A particular illegal weapons distribution center is heavily guarded, cameras pointed at every inch of the place, trained professionals lining all entrances. The only way for them to get in is to plan thoroughly and wait until the tech team can disable the building's defense mechanisms. It's a long process, though, and no one is quite sure of when every camera and trap will be shut down.

That's why they have to camp out near the perimeter of the target area.

Shadow cannot _wait_ to ransack the place already. It's dark out and they're already setting up camp.

This wouldn't normally be a problem. However, Omega is in with Hope for repairs at the moment. Team Dark's last mission was rather physically taxing, and for a trained government agent or the Ultimate Lifeform, that's not a big deal. For a robot, though? Someone who doesn't have the ability to naturally recover? He's needed some major fixing up.

That means they're short a team member. Of course, the Commander hadn't been so happy about that, and requested they get another person to help them out. Not because he doesn't trust Shadow and Rouge, but because it's a fairly large mission for two people to be taking on, even considering who they are.

Sonic was the first to come to mind. And sure, Shadow is fine working with him, but this whole waiting thing isn't really the blue hedgehog's style.

And it shows.

He's been tapping his feet, moving around as much as he can, just to get out whatever energy he's been building up for the past couple of hours. Shadow thinks that it's kind of cruel they made Sonic go on this mission, fast as he is, since they're not really doing anything until they're given the signal to move in. And even when that happens, it'll be brief.

But impatient hedgehogs aside, Shadow's main concern has to do with when they finally sleep.

Sure, he's been able to fend off nightmares before, but that's always been when he's in his bed back at G.U.N.'s facility. Sleeping anywhere else, though, is a different story entirely. He can't control his dreams as well when he's somewhere else. They're a lot more violent, more unhinged, and way more vivid. Most of the time, Rouge sleeps in the same tent as him to keep the damage done to a minimum, but...

"Only two tents, huh?" Sonic laughs, but Shadow doesn't know why. Of course there are two tents. Omega doesn't sleep. It's normally him and Rouge. "Well, I guess the lady will want one all to herself, huh? I'll room with Shadow, then."

...ah, yeah, he should have expected that.

Rouge no doubt is unhappy about this outcome, eyebrows automatically upturned in worry. She's clearly not about to fight him on it, since that'd require her explaining why she wants to share a tent with Shadow, but she still looks over to the black hedgehog and mouths, _"is this okay?"_ to him. Shadow grimaces in response and looks away, shrugging.

She places a concerned and anxious hand on his shoulder as she goes to set up her tent.

Taking in a deep breath, he tries to rationalize. Nightmares aren't only a possibility. They're a near guarantee. He'll just have to plan accordingly.

He figures he could always just...not sleep. But even though he could definitely do that, his body will need some time to get used to going without sleep for a long period. He'll be exhausted before his body realizes that it needs to use up Chaos Energy to keep him awake. It'll make him unable to fight to his fullest whenever they get the signal to move in

"How..." he starts slowly, unsure of how to phrase his question without making it sound strange. "How heavy do you sleep?"

At that, Sonic cocks an amused eyebrow. "Uh, pretty heavy, I guess? Tails has trouble waking me up sometimes. Why? You plannin' a party or something?"

Shadow rolls his eyes, trying to hide his relief. That's good. If Sonic is a heavy sleeper, that means he may not wake up, even if and when Shadow does have a nightmare. It's only a slight possibility, but it at least makes him feel slightly better. He could maybe get out of this without Sonic getting involved, without embarrassing himself by having a nightmare in a tent shared by his rival.

The moon is a sharp crescent and it's the last thing he looks at before they all retire for the night.

* * *

Before Shadow realizes he's awake, the alarmed voice of Sonic rings in his ears.

"Are you awake? Shadow! Come on! What's _up_ with you?"

He sounds alarmed and taken aback. That's how Shadow knows it's all gone wrong. He swallows nervously, evaluating his current state. He's sweating, and feels liquid on his hands and under his fingernails and just _knows_ it's blood, his shoulder aches and the ground is scratchy. Damn, he really messed this up. He can't have expected anything less, but he really thought it might have been okay.

He thinks momentarily that, perhaps, if Rouge were here, things would be better, but she's not, it's just _him_.

But then, he realizes when he looks over, Rouge _is_ here.

"It's a nightmare," he hears her explain it to a shaken Sonic. Of course he's like that. Being woken up by violent thrashing and blood dripping is rather shocking to deal with, to say the least. "He gets them a lot. Just help me out, okay? I think he's bleeding."

 _No,_ he wants to say, _tell Sonic to leave._ But he's breathing heavily and his mouth is too dry to get the words out. That incriminating feeling is back. He closes his eyes, not being able to stand seeing Sonic looking at him. Not like this, not this vulnerable and weak and utterly out of it. No one else was supposed to be burdened with his problems. No one else was supposed to know.

Suddenly, he feels a headache coming on. A hand is behind his head, a slightly unfamiliar one, and it pushes for him to sit up. Opening his eyes, he realizes Sonic's hand is on his back, and Rouge crouches down in front of him with a water canister.

Looking like a worried caretaker, she brings the edge to his mouth. "Drink it," she requests sternly.

At his side, Sonic is wiping off the blood from the black hedgehog's shoulder.

Around two minutes later, Shadow's mental state clears up considerably. The room is no longer spinning, walls of the tent no longer shaking. His breathing has evened out and his heart isn't pounding quite as fast. However, he's still anxious, gaze never daring to drift over to the other hedgehog in the tent. Eyes trained on Rouge, his headache worsens. "I didn't..."

His voice sounds coarse and rough, so he swallows and continues. "I didn't want to get him involved in this," he says to her quietly, but the silence of the night makes it so Sonic can hear him clearly.

It's then Shadow realizes the hand on his back is moving. A comforting rub, one that makes him calm down a bit more. Rouge's hand comes up to meet the side of his face and she smiles.

"Listen, Faker," even Sonic's voice is softer now, Shadow didn't know he could even do that, "we're not enemies anymore, remember? I'm already involved, so you'll just have to deal with it."

Rouge's smile widens even further. "He's right. I'm here for you, Shadow. We both are."

Her forehead rests on his shoulder and her hand goes to the back of his neck, forming a gentle hug. And then, he feels Sonic move in closer and place his free hand on Rouge's back. Shadow lets out a breath and his mouth turns upward. Of course. He's calmed down completely, now that these two are close. That strange level of comfort around Sonic and the trust he has with Rouge both seem to make much more sense, now.

The two have never failed to be his anchors. He's just been denying himself the luxury of having them.

But even then, they've chained themselves to him.

When they pull away, Rouge sighs. "Well," she begins, looking to the entrance of the tent, "I guess we should get some actual sleep, now. Don't wanna be tired for the mission and all."

Before she can even make a move to leave, Sonic grabs her and pulls her down between him and Shadow. "Yeah, well, let's just keep each other company 'til that happens. Wanna make sure we all get _good_ sleep, right?"

"Well, you're forward!" She laughs and turns to lie on her back. "Fine, but you'd better not hog the blanket!"

The chattering dies down a few minutes later as they all try their best to get comfortable, embracing each other in the process.

When the three finally drift off, Shadow dreams peacefully.


End file.
